We always knew we wanted more than one child (if we were so lucky) and when we found out we were pregnant, we were overwhelmed with excitement! It seems like the perfect time on paper, we recently bought a larger home with a yard and Mia is at the age now where she is becoming a bit more independent. But in the back of my mind I couldn't help but worry that I won't be able to handle it all, I won't be able to measure up.
Honestly, I was pretty naive about those first few months of motherhood the first time around with Mia and it certainly threw me for a loop. It took me almost 4 months to realize that I was suffering from something a little more than your typical "baby blues" and I would say it took me almost the rest of my maternity leave to feel like my old self again. You know, the one that left the house everyday and interacted with other adults in a meaningful way, the one that was motivated to be on top (sort of) of her health and fitness, the one that looked forward to a multitude of things in life... The post-partum me was not that person at all and the first few months of Mia's life felt like a big blur because I was in constant survival mode. I have no idea if my post-partum experience will be similar or completely different but step one is accepting that it could be the same... right?
Don't get me wrong... Am I happy about our little bun in the oven? ABSOLUTELY! I'm excited for those newborn snuggles and how at that age they just fit perfectly on your chest. I'm excited for the first smiles, coos, giggles but I'm the most excited to see the bond between Mia and her new little sibling grow with each passing day. I honestly think the first time they meet will make my heart burst into a million pieces because it will be so full... and of course I will probably be ugly crying tears of joy too. To watch them play (and probably fight) and grow up together... I want all of that and so much more!
But I'm human and right now I'm hormonal so naturally I'm feeling all the feelings and thinking all of the thoughts. What I do know is that my past experience has hopefully given me the ability to recognize and acknowledge my feelings quickly. I know that I need to have a safe circle of people to call on for help... because although I want to be able to do it all, I know that some days I just won't be able to.
So, if you are a mama that has ever felt this way or who is currently going through similar feelings... know that I am here for you. I remember feeling like I didn't have anyone to talk to about how I was feeling or actually knew anyone that had gone through this and I felt so alone. I want you to know that you can always connect with me if you ever needed anyone to talk to or for someone to just listen to you vent... I've been there!
You can reach me via the contact page form or direct message me on Instagram at @loveandsundays. I Think sticking together and supporting each other... whether we know each other personally or not is so important and can make all of the difference!
Photos: Monica Phung Photography